Picture a city where it is sunny 296 days out of the year, it never snows, there are no hurricanes, and no earthquakes. Add in a moderate cost of living, good looking people, and great pho and you have arrived in Scottsdale. In 2005, I moved to Arizona to attend law school and as you will read in my soon to be released book (I’d say early July at the latest) Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong . . . Including Mine I have always returned to the desert as a refuge from the unexpected curve balls of life.
Somewhere along the way refuge turned me into refugee forcing me to reanalyze why I am here in this 120 degree desert. While Arizona is a great state for the reasons I have mentioned, it is also preferred by the retirement community for the same reasons. (The elderly love pho too). This country club, complacent lifestyle is too sure-footed and would not get me moving forward with my plans for international domination. The only risks that come with living in Arizona are not going to the gym everyday so you can’t be at your best at the W pool party where only the finest douches spend their Saturday afternoons.
The state is so cut off from international commerce that the only flights out of here take you to another hip destination, Cabo San Lucas, where you can encounter even more douches at the pool-their origins being from Los Angeles and Orange County.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a great time in my many years as a citizen in this encampment known as Scottsdale but am ready to move on to a place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano.
That place is the polar opposite of Arizona and is better known as Mongolia.