You are sitting in your cubicle entranced by the Windows 98 stereogram of a lush palm tree in the foreground and sparkling blue water in the background. Hypnotized, you find yourself on the beach, mesmerized by the sight of the waves crashing, the sound of the seagulls chirping, and the warmth of the sun shining, all the while sipping a beer from the isolation of your beach chair.
“Excuse me, Excuse me”, the waiter says. Catatonic, you ignore her calls.
“Hey!” the waiter screams. Jarred from serenity, you come out of your coma to find yourself back in the office under the frosty glow of the fluorescent bulbs. Your boss is standing over you, arms crossed, glaring at you with dissatisfaction.
“I need to get out of here now,” you declare- hopefully not aloud.
Although the slogan for the iconic cerveza ad commands you to find your Eden, it falls short of telling us how to do so. We are left to figure it out on our own.
Where shall we go this time, Maui, Hawaii or maybe somewhere exotic like Playa Del Carmen, Mexico?
Cramming ourselves into coach for hours on end only to arrive at a hotel room with a view of the parking lot falls short of the peaceful getaway depicted in the advertisement. Instead, the best way of tricking ourselves into believing this is a luxury vacation is to opt for the confining all-inclusive package (because eating out every day gets expensive) then complain to the front desk about the drunk spring-breakers, in the hopes we receive an ocean-view upgrade (FYI: This works). Alternatively, we could have stayed at a 5-star resort had we chanced it by going during the discounted rainy season. Even with such meager accommodations, the trip would still set us back a few thousand dollars plus the cost of all those Long Island yard drinks from Señor Frog’s and catchy souvenir shot glasses that read, “one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.” The latter, for me, are pesos well spent.
Before you call me a jerk, let me state the following: I know that people work hard all year for the opportunity to post that filtered beach pic on Instagram. I am not trivializing their efforts but will show you a better way.