ThePointsOfLife Infomercial

An excerpt from my book Everyone’s Advice Is Wrong . . . Including Mine:

“The following is a paid advertisement for Enjoy #ThePointsOfLife.  It does not represent the views or opinions of your friends and family.”

Cue tropical island music.

How would you like to do the following?

First, you will be picked up from your home in a specially-commissioned Mercedes-Benz by a personal chauffer who will escort you to the private first-class entrance of the airport. Next, you will enjoy upscale dining (enough free peanuts to make up for all those fees you were paying while flying coach) and premium cocktails in a trendy lounge with free Wi-Fi. (Everyone loves free Wi-Fi.) The lounge also includes a spa, sleeping area, and business center to finalize any last minute international deals, i.e., email all your friends images of the lounge for spite.

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Mind you, all of this is yours before boarding the plane.

Once on-board, you will travel comfortably throughout your overseas journey wearing cozy pajamas, resting in a seat that lies fully flat. A five course meal with unlimited Dom Pérignon (or Jack Daniels) along with an endless supply of entertainment on your personal 23” LED will have you wishing the flight would last a bit longer. Before landing, do not forget to schedule a hot shower at 30,000 feet and freshen up with the provided designer brand amenities kit. For your convenience, the shower has a maximum capacity of two.

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Upon landing, you will again be escorted via an executive car service to the domestic terminal. From there, you will take a private seaplane to a paradise resort right in the heart of the ocean. At check-in, you will be offered more champagne (so make sure you bring your Ibuprofen), receive a complimentary upgrade for a bungalow directly over the tropical, crystal-clear blue water, and be pampered day and night by staff eager to fill all of your wishes and desires (within the confines of the law).

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After a week of over-relaxation, you will depart the island but can look forward to enjoying the privileges and amenities of a first-class journey home. You may choose to skip the shower the second time around as the novelty of telling the story is greater than the experience itself.

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All this can be yours if the points are right. Yes, points, not price.

The actual price of this showcase showdown is . . .

Roundtrip, the flight is $15,000 per person and the room is $2,500 a night, mini-bar tab excluded. Let’s ignore how much food, drinks, excursions, and spa treatments cost, not to mention the funds needed to purchase the “I ate the worm” souvenir t-shirt. So basically it’s a billion dollars to go on this trip. Since I haven’t fully recovered from the triple bogey from Hole 8, the price is slightly out of my budget . . .

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Bring Your Own Beef Jerky

The points are not.

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